DEAR SINGLE LET NOBODY MARRIAGE SHAME YOU!

 

Ok so you are single, above 30 and female moreso in Nigeria /Africa. The popular phrase ‘Go and marry’ will not be new to you. I have been marriage shamed countless times that I have become immune looool. Well, I’m different sorta as I am wired differently. Things that move most women do not move me asuch like seeking validation from a person or spouse to feel whole, complete or seeking approval from another human.

Women face pressure from themselves, their mothers, their sisters, relatives and their friends when it comes to getting married. Even some very close married friends tend to cut you off when they have a ring and are married. Patriarchy has managed to fool women into thinking they need men or marriage even in the so called good marriages to feel complete, whole, validated and approved of.

I laughed so hard when OAP Toke Makinwa took to social media to lament saying she thought it was rude that she was being asked when she was going to get married, that she would not be beautiful forever😅.

Personally, I have been marriage shamed innumerable times. From a relative saying ‘ go and marry old woman’’, to the doctor that told me ‘ You are not married, have a child , your pain could be as a result of psychological trauma’’ after I complained of pain years ago, to my MSC course mate I asked for a material insulting me and saying  ‘ That’s why you are not married, they continue to use and dump you ’ of which I finished her telling her how unkempt she looked in the marriage, how if I wanted to personally ‘smash’ the so called husband of  hers, I could do that with great ease but then he would not meet my expectation nor afford me given how she looked besides I could not tell if she was indeed happy in the marriage etc ( remixing Usher’s if I want to . If I wanted, I could take your man from you (please believe it) with my eyes closed, I could have him eating out the palm of my hand and all ‘his little boyfriends too and she went numb loool. You don’t f**k with me and you cannot shame the shameless when I do not make money from marriage shaming taa gbafuo.

An excerpt from a lady’s experience she said it’s not just relatives, an Okada man who hits your car, “you no go follow your mates, go marry .Taxi driver you get into an argument with because he who won’t bring your change, “no be woman you be? After all, I fit marry you keep for house”.
Even colleagues and seemingly educated male friends and relatives, will comment on another female, “She needs to go get married, instead of acting like a big girl”. Don’t go and marry, you can’t keep a man, don’t go and born, keep cruising till you reach 40. You better don’t be choosy, whoever comes, better just say yes. Why are you not in a relationship? Why are u single? Why are you not dating? What are you still waiting for? When u don’t go out how will u meet people or be married sef…You better start going to (prayer mountain) and fasting…You better marry any man whether his educated or not. You are too old to be picky ooo. Or is it attending a wedding and everyone keeps saying in Jesus name yours will come too.

A single  friend of mine bought a very beautiful  car, her brother went like ‘You don’t want to get married, you want to scare men away, blah blah blah as in she should not live her life.

I remember going with my mum for prayers and while she decided she would spend hours on praying for a spouse for me, I spent most of my prayer time after praying for a spouse praying to God for a career and job change as I was dissatisfied at that time and I could tell she was partially pissed oh well. Good news, God did answer that heartfelt prayer of mine💃💃💃💃.

Is it when she calls me and says “Man of God says you have a very beautiful daughter, but she is so picky” imagine the spiritual shade, ahusielam anya (I have seen hell kidding) hahahahhahahaha😅😅😅😆.

Running Solo2hooked matchmaking, I get a lot of female singles complaining to me and I understand perfectly being in their shoes.In dealing with this challenge realize  the bible says : No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.

When many singles complain,  I realized some of their  greatest challenge is comparison and lack of contentment. They keep comparing themselves to their married friends, colleagues, siblings etc and lovey , dovey social media posts  forgetting destinies and trials differ as they are unique individuals. Most are not emotionally, mentally, spiritually and financially ready for marriage. Some of are just obsessed with the idea of marriage.

The last lady I spoke to, I told her to be patient. If she noticed she was being bugged by anyone and it was depressing her, CUT THEM OFF or reduce contact with them to a minimum. You have the power and potential to choose what you want to let bother you.

Life is ‘’long’’ . It is ok to desire to feel wanted, love and be loved etc.  However realize you are important married, single, divorced, separated  and God loves and wants you regardless. Embrace  each day as a gift and determine to live life happy and to the fullest.